i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A+ Viking dick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
