I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
