Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
