alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
