she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
