I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
