look no pants
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
