U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
