remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
