The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
