You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
