Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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