is your mom at the bar?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
