I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
