The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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