Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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