I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
