if only i could text you this smell
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
