I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
