I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
