hotel room ftw
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
