A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
