some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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