I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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