i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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