I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
