come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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