I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm both gender and math confused
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
