Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
