i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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