I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
