Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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