R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
