i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
