So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
