Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
