piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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