So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
