Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
