I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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