dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
