I faked an abortion last night.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
