I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
