hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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