Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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