how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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