So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
