She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
