We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
