You can't motorboat a personality
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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