I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
