I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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